The Beginning...

The advent of this story or writing has be painstakingly difficult. A lot of memories, thoughts, dreams, avoidance, and a variety of emotions has prevented me from writing it thus far.

The big red oak tree in the woods was a site to see. It had huge branches, some bigger than trunks of normal size trees. In my perspective, this was the largest tree in the world. I could not imagine a tree any bigger. I remember climbing up the tree, on to the big branches. The crooks in the branches were so large, that I could sleep in them, and not worry about falling out of the tree. This was a special place for me. It was a place of peace and tranquility.

The tree was so tall, when I climbed to the top, it towered over the rest of the trees in the woods. When I was in the tree, looking over the vast woods and fields, I felt free as ever. It was as if the world stood still, and I was the king, the king of the land as far as I could see. The cows in the fields were my servants, they were working hard keeping the grass cut in my kingdom. The birds that flew in and out of the kingdom were keeping the land clean, by picking up dead grass and a variety of other debris that littered the land. The squirrels meticulously picked up all the acorns that had fallen from the big tree, my castle.

The feeling of freedom and peace which I felt in my castle is indescribable. I was young; maybe 9 or 10 years old. I was small, the castle was huge, and the kingdom was more than I could fathom. I felt full control of my surroundings; though the cows, birds and squirrels did as they please. The breeze that came through the branches, the windows of the castle, were refreshing and clean. Then one day, the king, the castle, and the kingdom were violated. The world darkened, the beauty faded, and all seemed to be lost.

The land, tree, or animals had not changed. Though that is what they became to me. They were no longer a castle, a kingdom, or servants. They were just a tree, woods, fields, and animals living their lives as they did before I became the king. My special place became a place I eventually despised. It became a place of hurt, fear, and many tears. A river of tears. I wonder if that river still flows there today. There were so many tears, that I could never imagine the river to ever dry up. There would be enough tears to last an eternity.

As time went by, the fear and pain became worse and unimaginable. I lived only to survive these horrific events and feelings. Still today, I find myself reliving the tormenting memories. I only pray that God will continue to lesson the effect these memories have on my mind and soul.