Light Evolves to Darkness...

I remember the day that I watched the clouds with HIM. I recall the warm air cooling my body… This was the moment that light evolved into darkness. I did not realize at the time that my live changed. After this time, I was full of guilt and shame. HE taught me about what HE called 'the routine', by violating me for the first time. It felt good, it was a new experience for me. Initially, I felt privileged and grown up.

Shortly HE got dressed and left me there, under my castle. I stayed there for quite some time. I was overwhelmed with many feelings. I experienced extensive range of feelings of fear, shame, and guilt to honored, complete, hungry for more. The sun was vanishing behind darker clouds, with out shape and form. As the sky darkened, I cried. I was not sure why I was crying. The tears rolled down my cheeks, feeling the emotions slowly leaving me.

I did not want to get up. I began to lose emotion and feeling as emptiness began to set in. What had happened? Why did I feel this way? It began to rain, and the tears of feeling were washed from my face. I quickly got dressed and climbed the big tree. The broad branches of the tree became a canopy. I sat in my castle, watching the rain fall. As the rain was pounding on my canopy I looked out at my kingdom. It had changed, as I lost my emotions and feelings, the kingdom looked simple. I no longer felt like a king. The servants of my kingdom appeared to be working for themselves. They no longer worked for me.

What happened? When HE was there the sensation I felt was novel. I was not familiar with the new feeling, it was good. I did not understand why such an excellent feeling caused me to feel unfilled. This was the day, the day my life began to change, it was if my soul and my spirit were no longer mine.

Time after time HE when I was alone with HIM, I would live the same feeling. I began to long for the pleasure that I felt. When I was alone, I would do 'the routine' renewing that delight in my body. Each time that I was with HIM or alone doing the 'routine, the emptiness slowly overcame me. HE would take me to the tree; the crumbling castle which overlooked a fallen kingdom. My soul felt emptier and vacant. The feeling of pleasure was good, but the emptiness was overwhelmingly powerful. Many times when HE would leave me the tears would come. I did not understand.