A Changed Soul...

I began to think and search my soul. I was wounded as I evaluated my decaying soul. I felt as if the darkness of the sky that first day began to enter me. Many people would share with me things that saddened them. It affected them to a point of unredeemable depression. Unredeemable depression became a familiar environment for me. The effects of 'the routine' would initiate an aching reaction the worsened over that summer.

The emptiness in my soul began to envelop me to a point of deficiency. I began to avoid being alone with HIM. The pleasure that HE brought only made my soul darker. The enjoyment of doing 'the routine' myself seemed to put out the light inside me.

A black hole is so powerful that nothing, not even light can escape its grasp. My soul was my source of light, feeling and life. The black hole that I felt deep inside me grew stronger. It began to pull all emotion into it. There was no emotion anymore. I longed to feel alive again. I was unable to experience the same joy I felt before my kingdom fell. I did not understand what was happening to me. I had fallen like my kingdom.

HE made me believe that experiencing the thrilling feeling of 'the routine' made me more grown up. HE shared with me a part of life that only mature people would know. I was not sure that I wanted to be a grown up. I did not like the things that came with it. Did all mature people feel this way?

I would still go to my castle and view my kingdom. It as if the enemy came and conquered the kingdom. I began to see how dirty my cow servants were. The green grass was full of weeds and thistles. The squirrels were running and panicking to prepare for the cold winter. The birds were not cleaning my kingdom, they were ripping it apart, taking pieces of life with them as they flew away...